Chef's comically candid job advert goes viral


A restaurateur has shot to infamy after posting a hilariously honest job advert on Gumtree. All that is known of the businessman is that he is an American named Justin.

The advert for the opening at a new eatery in Clarkston, East Renfrewshire starts by telling applicants that: “I have no problem working seven days a week, but on the off-chance I break my foot or get third-degree steam burns on my face I need someone who can work unsupervised and still make quality food … I need a second in command to bang out a ton of semi-fancy food in a kitchen the size of a closet, and you also have to put up with my wife because I do, and she's the real boss.”

He intends to open a diner that offers egg-centric breakfast and sandwiches, although he implores that “There are no eggs benedicts,” and fends off any idle candidates by adding: "If your idea of a good sandwich is a tuna mayo like your gran makes then please don't bother responding.”

Succinct covering letters and CVs are encouraged, with the brusque businessman implying that previous recruitment processes have involved reading too many prolix applications: “If you have one that says you're a ‘hard-working team player that can also function well alone’ and that you ‘value customer service and punctuality’ I will stab myself in the face with a pencil and nobody will get a job … Last time I was hiring for a place I got over 400 CVs. You know how long it takes to read 400 CVs? Too damned long. So don't waste anyone's time.”

On the subject of pay - £7 an hour for up to 55 hours - he simply says “The money is s**t. That's the best I can do. I'm dead serious about the money thing. Don't come to an interview and then say it sounds great but you've got your kid's school clothes to buy or whatever. You’ll literally be making more than me because I am essentially working for free until the place is paid off.”

Despite this barrage of brutal candor, the job does come with certain creative freedoms: “I will listen to your ideas and try your weird suggestions, but if I don’t love it we’re not doing it and that’s that. 

“I don’t care if you’re super outgoing or actually mute. I don’t care if you’ve got tattoos. I don’t care if you only work in kitchens to get away from your horrible significant other. I don’t care about anything other than that you’re fast enough not to be in the weeds constantly and you want to be part of something genuine and good. What you cannot do is be a pain in my balls because my life savings is on the line and I have to work with my wife all day so I don’t have time for any primadonna bulls**t.”

Justin closes the advert with a deadpan observation: “If you think I sound like an obnoxious d***head, congratulations. You are observant and will go far in life. Don't let it discourage you, though. I'm only a d***head for the first three years you know me. After that I'm a total sweetheart. If you're awesome and you have actual cooking skills, you'll probably be my best friend … and I'll let you put whatever horrible music you enjoy on the stereo and buy you beer."

Comments (2)

  • rednip
    Thu, 21 May 2015 8:13am BST
    heres another "straight to the point" but quite inspirational job advert for chefs
  • mad cook
    mad cook
    Wed, 20 May 2015 8:39pm BST
    Sounds like my kind of guy!

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